on having dance parties with best friends

I'd post a nicer, high-def photo, but this is all we've got!

Last weekend one of my best friends celebrated a birthday. We did the whole bit—got dressed up, went for dinner (Ottawa friends, have you been to Union 613?) and had some delicious food and drinks. It was a great way to celebrate and to spend a rainy night. The original plan was to go out dancing after dinner, but truth is, we are pretty antisocial when it comes to going out so we decided to spend the night in.

Our night was pretty typical—sitting around the living room, listening to records, watching the animals and chatting. This time, we ended up reminiscing more about our past 5 years here in Ottawa. All the silly times we have had, people we have met, and places we have been! It’s been especially nostalgic lately since we are graduating and moving all over the place. I gotta say, it’s going to be weird to not have my best friend(s) living in the next bedroom(s) over. It’s pretty sad to think about… even though we can be in constant contact, it’s just not the same.

As the night went on, we ended up turning our living room into a dance party. Lights off, Top 40 hits playing, the little ‘strobe light’ flash function from the iPhone, and all the furniture pushed aside. Hello living room dance club! We played all the ridiculous music (that we obviously know all the words to), sang along, and busted out our best dance moves. Lots of laughing, freaking the cats out, and getting blisters on our feet.  It was fun to let go, have fun, and be really silly together. This is something we do a lot, and is certainly a good reminder to not take ourselves so seriously! It is so easy to get caught up in the world of school, jobs, relationships… everything. Sometimes, it’s fun to crank the tunes and bust a move with your best gal pals. I took a video that evening, but for the sake of my bffs, I'll just post a silly photo of us :)


Overall, it was a fantastic night. It was just what I needed before the final stretch of undergrad began! What do you do when you need to let loose? What is a fun night out for you?

- g

on graduation and becoming an adult

Warmth, please?

I don’t know if it’s the unrelenting weather, or the fact that I am almost finished my degree, but lately all I have been thinking about is how I want to go on vacation, travel, explore, adventure… whatever. I am really wanting a break from the every day monotony of my life. I am ready for a change of pace! I feel like I have been trapped indoors for far too long, and I am just dying to get out to do something different. Unfortunately, I don’t know if that’s going to be possible—each time we seem to get a taste of spring weather, it is followed up by snow. This past weekend we had about 10cm. They’re calling for more. I don’t know if I can take much more of this! 

I feel like right now I have this urgency to travel and explore because I am unsure of how much time I will have to myself once I graduate. This sounds odd, because I know that I will be quite “free” once I am done school, and that the potential is there for the world to become my oyster. This is a running theme in my life. But is this realistic?

My roommate and I were reflecting on the ideas and plans we have dreamed up during the course of our degrees. They have been all sorts of things… buying cars, travelling, living without roommates, interior decorating, moving and living abroad… the list is endless. Lots of dreams for when school would no longer be a stressful reality. Well… we are quickly approaching this time. Less than 2 weeks of class until we will be finished our course requirements to receive our diplomas. Now that we are going to be finished with undergrad, what’s next? That’s where those dreams have been put on the back burner. Responsibilities, or responsible decisions end up taking forefront as opposed to planning that backpacking trip/car purchase/whatever. Jobs and the realities of becoming a grown up take precedence. 

I remember saying throughout the course of my undergrad (and maybe, possibly today) how I don’t want to be one of those people who say they are going to travel, go to graduate school, etc., and ultimately never end up doing it. That I didn’t want to be somebody who ended up settled down before they even got to “live”. I know that I am verging on sounding like an episode of GIRLS, but it’s true. I think these words have come out of every young person’s mouth at least once. I am still saying this. But where does responsibility and reality set in? Where do we end up making compromises?

It is impossible for me to take a 6 month backpacking trip once I graduate because I have no money. I can’t live abroad because I have no money. I can’t have the “ultimate job” because I don’t have a Master’s degree. I have limited life experience to bring to the table. In order to “live” the kind of life I might crave, it’s become the reality that I am going to have to settle for a bit. In order to work—to earn some money and life experience. The hope is that eventually I am able to do all of the things I’d like to do. Which is to travel and go to grad school. 

My big dilemma in all this is, what if I don’t get to have the experiences I want? What if I end up settled into something? Life happens, I get it. I guess for right now I’d like to remain hopeful, not hopeless. Live with no regrets, try to go with the flow, and desperately hope it all works out.

- g

approaching things differently: recap on disconnecting

As most of you know, one of my goals the past couple weeks has been to make efforts to disconnect from technology. The goal of this is to become a little bit more connected to what I am doing, and to be more mindful of my approach to time.

Okay guys, if we’re being honest here… this was, and is, REALLY hard. Not only was it hard to take some space from my phone and wait to reply to a text message until I was done whatever task at hand (like cooking dinner, watching an episode of TV or reading an article), but it was hard in terms of other people. By this I mean the expectation that you will return their text message close to immediately. Because let’s get real here… most people are so attached to their iPhones and they often reply within minutes—and if they don’t? It means that they are ignoring us or something terrible has happened. What is the proper etiquette to get back to somebody via text?

During this experiment, I found I wasn’t able to disconnect completely. I still had my phone in my back pocket a lot of the time, and when it would vibrate, I would check it. Depending on the content of the message, I would decide whether or not to reply right away. Anything that was more ‘time-sensitive’, like making plans, stuff that had to do with work, I would reply. If it was more conversational, I would try and wait until I had a free moment to reply.

This wasn’t always perfect though. I still spent a lot of time having text conversations with Sam, or consciously awaiting a response from someone else when it wasn’t urgent or immediate. I also found that even though I wasn’t checking my phone as much, if I had put it away, I was still curious to see if I had missed anything. As for overall disconnecting, I had some nice quiet moments without technology where I was able to listen to music and spend some time sitting on the couch with my pets. This is something that happens relatively frequently, and I would really love some more time where I am JUST reading, or JUST doing schoolwork; rather than doing those things with my iPhone sitting next to me. It’s a process, clearly!!

The biggest thing I learned through this little experiment was how much we are reliant on our phones. For telling time (although I wear a watch most days), for overall communication and keeping in touch, calendars, etc. It’s not just about texting or calling anymore. Our phones serve as something to keep our hands busy or to save us from feeling uncomfortable. How many times have you checked your phone in order to appear distracted rather than feel awkward? I am certainly guilty of it. The best part of this process was trying to avoid this, and noticing other people and their cellphone use. The other best part was having the “disconnection” conversation with friends in real-life. Talking about the downfalls of Facebook and instant communication. We still might engage in it, but I think an awareness of how we spend our time is crucial in order to not let it take over our lives.

In conclusion, I wasn’t really effective in turning my phone off or to have time each day without any technology at all. I think some of that is just unrealistic. It is so embedded in our days! I was, however, able to understand and see where I was purposefully distracting myself and made an effort to stop that. I also found I was a lot more okay with not having my phone on me (the times where I either left it at home or in my bag). It felt a lot more okay when I was spending time with really good company—I felt like I didn’t need to be connected at all. I am going to continue to try and be mindful of my time spent with technology.

For my next “approaching things differently” goal, I want to try and approach my routine differently. My goal is for some consistency. Consistency in bed time routines (like going to bed at the same time each day!) and trying to have some more time to myself in the mornings for breakfast and what not. I am the biggest night owl, and I have struggled with mornings for most of my life. My next goal is all about embracing the mornings! I know that is a strange one, but it’s definitely something I struggle with and would love to feel better about it in general. I’ll check back with you all again in a few weeks to let you know how that is going…. as well, I am going to continue with my goal of disconnecting. This is baby steps for me!

image source

being free, part two

I am rarely in photographs. Sam snapped this one when I visited her while she was living in Victoria. At this time, we were probably revelling in new places and spaces and talking about 'what could be'.

When life gets stressful, my ultimate go-to is goal making. Goals for the future, goals for the present, goals for always. Goals, goals, goals. Maybe not attainable ones, maybe not even sane ones. Not only this, but there are ideas. Ideas about how I wish I could be living my life, or ideas of different or alternate lives I could be living. Some are possibilities, but some are so far out there.

This day dreaming of alternate reality serves different purposes. When life as we know it seems unbearable, the escape of thinking how things could be is a dream. This typically spirals into telling myself that I can do everything. Anything and everything. That the world is my oyster and I am free. Free to be who I want to be, and free to do what I please. Life is the ultimate high, and I am going to conquer it.

It’s not always like this though. When life isn’t out to be conquered, it’s there to be endured. It’s as if I’m in a constant flux of deciding which direction I want to take. Some moments are terrifyingly painful, and others are easy going. There is often no middle ground in my life.

I’ve talked a little bit about freedom before on this blog. In wanting to explore what freedom means for me. What my inner dialogue is when it comes to ‘being free’. For me, in this moment, being free is the freedom of choice. To choose to make plans and to make goals. To daydream about a life I may never have. To imagine that the world is my oyster, and I have all the opportunities I could possibly want. I understand that reality is not always like this, but for right now? I’m going with the flow.

- g

my first day of high school

Danielle from Sometimes Sweet wrote a little piece with post ideas for the stumped blogger. I often feel that way (stumped) and I loved the idea of sharing a snapshot—especially the first one: your first day of high school.

My first day of high school seems really far away. It was 2006 when I entered 10th grade. I remember being so excited to start fresh in high school. During that time, I was really into hair and makeup, so I was up early to do my hair and wear too many different colours of eyeshadow. I was so stoked on my outfit that day too—something I now call my signature high school outfit. I had this pink hoodie with hearts all over it that I paired with a vintage kids tshirt, leggings, and a tutu. Yup, a tutu. I had purchased this giant white crinoline from a vintage shop on Melrose. My family had spent a few weeks in LA before school started. I remember taking a photo of myself to post as my Nexopia profile (years before the term ‘selfie’ was coined!) and being so stoked on how nice I thought I looked.

I can't believe I am posting this!

I don’t remember much from my classes that day, but I do remember my AP english class being held in the library. Somebody had sprayed bear spray or mace in the upstairs hallway where our classroom was, so it was a bit chaotic. I sat at the same table as this boy who was wearing this long, black, Matrix style jacket. He was carrying around a Discman and these giant headphones. I remember thinking how cool I thought that was, since iPods were the norm by then and nobody carried CDs. I don’t remember what disc was in his player, but I remember we started talking about bands. I was really into Le Tigre, and lo-and-behold, he knew who they were! We bonded over obscure bands, having taken Accutane for our skin, and how excited we were about our class together. We high-fived and declared that we would be best friends forever. I remember our teacher had walked by at this point, and asked how long we’d known each other. We laughed, and told her we had just met.

A photo with my best friend forever, in 11th grade.

That boy was my grad date!

Another ‘snapshot’ I have that day is from either my mentorship or band class. For some reason, my name wasn’t on the class list, and my teacher asked me if I was in ESL. To him, this would have made sense why my name wouldn’t be on the list. I kindly told him that no, I wasn’t in ESL, and that his class was in fact on my schedule. It got sorted pretty quickly, but it was pretty funny/more like racist that my teacher took one look at me and just assumed that I was in ESL. Borderline offensive, that's for sure!

Just for fun, Samantha and I at grad!

That's about all I can remember from that day. What was your first day of high school like?

-g

currently thankful for

Happy Canadian Thanksgiving!! Thanksgiving is typically a holiday revolving around food—as most are—yet we find that sometimes the "real meaning" of the holiday is sometimes lost. Because of this, we decided to take our post this week to reflect on what we are thankful for.

Growing up Thanksgiving typically just meant going to my grandma's house and having dinner with my family; something that was pretty common on the weekends during that time. Just another dinner and day. The only difference being that my parents had work off so we all got to spend time together on a weekday. About 8 years ago I gave up eating meat, which made Thanksgiving and most other family meals a little more difficult. I was never a huge fan of turkey or the "traditional" Thanksgiving foods in the first place, so I never really felt like I was missing out on anything. This has changed! 4 years ago I moved into my own apartment, and the nature of the holiday shifted for me. Each year my roommates and I have hosted a variety of Thanksgiving meals. Our first Thanksgiving, we had 17 people in my unfurnished apartment, used all my cutlery and ate off paper plates. We made a turkey, 2 tofurky's, 3 pies, and our guests brought a giant table of food. The following year, we had less people, but more food. Same with the next. Because of this, I have developed a love for Thanksgiving and it includes—time with friends, and lots and lots and lots of food that I can eat!

However, this year is a bit different, since our Fall Reading Break falls with Thanksgiving, most people have gone home to visit their families, as well some have moved away since graduating. So what am I doing? I spent Saturday with my former roommate on a day trip down to Syracuse, NY to do some shopping, and will be enjoying a "homeless" Thanksgiving with a friend that is in town. It is definitely not the same as the other years, but I am excited for it nevertheless.

So what am I thankful for this week? That all these years I have always been able to spend this holiday with those that I care about. That I have always been supported in everything I've ever wanted to pursue (as crazy an idea it may have been) and that I have such fantastic people in my life. I am grateful for the personal connections I make each and every day—whether it is with people I chat with on a day to day basis through work, volunteering and school; or through my close friendships. I feel grateful and thankful that I am given these opportunities, and the fact that I get to share different aspects of my life with so many people. And as usual, I am especially grateful for the company of my family, best friends (and roommate), and our three pets, who get to deal with the day to day crazy that is my life.

-g

“I actually attack the concept of happiness. The idea that - I don’t mind people being happy - but the idea that everything we do is part of the pursuit of happiness seems to me a really dangerous idea and has led to a contemporary disease in Western society, which is fear of sadness. It’s a really odd thing that we’re now seeing people saying “write down 3 things that made you happy today before you go to sleep”, and “cheer up” and “happiness is our birthright” and so on. We’re kind of teaching our kids that happiness is the default position - it’s rubbish. Wholeness is what we ought to be striving for and part of that is sadness, disappointment, frustration, failure; all of those things which make us who we are. Happiness and victory and fulfillment are nice little things that also happen to us, but they don’t teach us much. Everyone says we grow through pain and then as soon as they experience pain they say “Quick! Move on! Cheer up!” I’d like just for a year to have a moratorium on the word “happiness” and to replace it with the word “wholeness”. Ask yourself “is this contributing to my wholeness?” and if you’re having a bad day, it is.”

- Hugh Mackay

It used to be a big fuss to get my brother and I to family gatherings, but the one meal that I did enjoy partaking in was Thanksgiving. Every year, it was held at my grandparent’s house. My mother’s whole side of the family would be there, and in recent years came the addition of a new uncle and cousins (two littles and two new pups). We would gather in the living room over a table of appetizers: the usual deviled eggs, quiche, and an experimental dish from my aunt and uncle (they are the “cooks” of the family… As a kid I found their dishes too “out there,” but now I look forward to them). My grandmother would be in the kitchen busying herself with the feast, with the occasional helping hand making their way into the kitchen to chip in. Eventually, my brother and I would go up too, and would fight over who got to ring the bell to sound for dinner. In the feast, you were sure to find a hodgepodge of potato dishes, an exquisite salad from my aunt and uncle and my grandmothers signature jelly salad. When we were a smaller group, we would eat around the dining room table. It was a small room, no doubt, but we cozied up around the table. More recently, we’ve dined in more of a potluck style. Mosey up to the kitchen to collect your food and wine, and progress down into the living room to eat off the coffee or card tables. It doesn’t matter where we eat though, because the conversation always starts flowing and laughter ensues. Once we are stuffed to the brim with seconds and thirds, my grandmother and dad have argued over the turkey heart, and the dried wishbones have been cracked, dessert is broken out. Pumpkin pie, always, with the second option changing by the year. It’s after this that we collect ourselves in the front entrance and say our long-drawn goodbyes. The next time we’ll be together like this isn’t until Christmas.

This year is different, though. The whole year has been in fact. Long-standing traditions like these have almost entirely ceased to exist. From what I recall, we have hardly gotten together at all. My grandmother passed away earlier this year, and it’s not hard to see how much she really held us all together. It makes me so sad for my young cousins who will not know of these traditions that are so vivid in my mind.

I am thankful for my health, and the health of those around me. It’s been a really tough year with far too many friends and family ending up with a variety of ailments. It’s so unfortunate, and it’s all too common these days, it seems. I’m thankful to have such wonderful people in my life, perhaps not living within the same city, but just an e-mail away. I’m thankful to have this life of plenty, to be so fortunate to live here, in this city. I'm thankful to have known a woman so strong, so caring as my grandmother, and I will forever remember her on days like today. No, Thanksgivings and other holidays are not going to be the same as they used to be, but is that so bad? If anything, our loss should strengthen our bonds and bring us closer together. My cousins will not know what I knew, but they will know a whole other kind of love. Perhaps not this year, but next, will bring new traditions to life.

- s

What are you feeling thankful for this holiday weekend?

freedom

Recently Samantha and I took a trip out to Canmore, AB to spend a weekend away, enjoy the mountains, play some cards, and get in a hike. We figured that we would take the opportunity when we were actually hanging out in person to brainstorm some ideas for our blog. Let's preface: this blog has been in the works for almost a year now, and until this trip we were quite unsure what sort of direction we wanted to take. As well, we typically spend the majority of the time apart (Sam in Calgary, Gabi in Ottawa) and it is hard to brainstorm through text message/email/Facetime.

Okay, so let's flash back to the car ride on our way to Canmore. It's lovely outside—sunny, not too cloudy—and we are about to approach that beautiful time of day where the sun is just about to set, and everything looks beautiful. Mountains straight ahead, fields to both our sides with horses and cows…the beauty that is driving into the mountains. If you have never been to the Rockies, I highly suggest you start planning your trip now. Pronto.

Sam starts the conversation off with, "Okay, so our blog?" and this is when the neurons started firing and the ideas started flowing, and I got down to business and talked her ear off for a solid couple hours. Essentially what was coming out of my mouth was the premise of our blog: thoughts on the twenty-something condition. Something that is written about consistently, depicted on television and books… but particularly within that "condition" were my thoughts on lifestyle. Both Samantha and I follow a myriad of blogs. Some food related, education related, but a grand majority of what we follow are particularly lifestyle blogs. Photo and stories of young women close to our age sharing their stories of work, school, love, friendship…. you name it. What I have begun to notice is an air of privilege associated with these posts. Or what I like to think of as an internet version of "keeping up with the Jones'". So-and-so has this bag, took a trip here, purchased this high quality item… the list goes on.  It's not an explicit statement, but from looking at the evolution of these blogs, it seems like the pressure is on. How I see it, it seems to resemble more of a life that seems typical in the 40+ crowd. Those that have had careers for some time now, not to mention families and things like vacation property—that are able to afford and live this lifestyle.

This is where I am beginning to feel a sense of duality within my own life. I follow these blogs and these people's lives and am encompassed by a world full of people who seemingly have (much) more of an income and stability than I do. Namely, I get to live this sort of aspirational lifestyle when spending time with my parents. I am privileged in a way where my parents invite me to vacation with them etc. even though I could technically be considered a grown-up; and get to wine taste, and eat at the "foodie restaurants" and get a taste of the stuff there is no way I could ever afford as a student. I live in a world where supposedly this is what we are working up towards. Getting the degree, the work experience, and ultimately getting the job and buying the house in the burbs. All whilst settling down with your significant other and then having 2.5 kids and a dog. And, like most 20-somethings, I am not sure this is necessarily what I want from my life.

Let's look at the flip side. On Facebook we have those "Friends" (or more like acquaintances you talked to 3 times in high school and are now networked on social media) that are posting these beautiful photos of their South American trip, or their recent backpacking excursion to Asia. Or talking to friends who plan to travel during their time off from school. Aspiring to this idea of freedom and the feeling that the world is our oyster, and if not now, then when? Now is the time for us to travel, make mistakes, and experience the world for what is worth. What I ask though, is how do we live in a world where we are encouraged to both be free and make mistakes, all while building up a career with networks and references?

Last summer I went on a backpacking trip with my ex-boyfriend. It was a fantastic experience. I got to sleep outdoors, couch surf, stay in hostels, and virtually live with the freedom of having no plan and the  choice to go where we pleased. I got a taste of travelling with no plan and no money. I loved it. I may not have said this upon immediate reaction to sleeping in a closet… but looking back, I want to do it again. Recently, when discussing travel with a family member of mine, I was expressing my jealousy over an amazing trip he just took. He told me, "But you had your trip!" My reaction was mostly just wondering why I would only get one trip like that in my lifetime? Is this part of the plan? Who decides this stuff anyway? The way I look at it, I am not tied down by anything right now; with the exception of the 5 courses I need to complete to receive my undergrad. But once that is complete, the world is my oyster. Yes, I have ideas of what I may like to do professionally, and yes, I am constantly doing things that would help me "network" and get there; but ultimately, I am free.

What I'd like to do here is explore the idea of freedom. What it means to be free, and what I am telling myself when I complain about my (very nice) life and say things like "all I want is to be free". Because seemingly, I am free—yet why is it I still feel trapped?

-- g

photos from our weekend