freedom

Recently Samantha and I took a trip out to Canmore, AB to spend a weekend away, enjoy the mountains, play some cards, and get in a hike. We figured that we would take the opportunity when we were actually hanging out in person to brainstorm some ideas for our blog. Let's preface: this blog has been in the works for almost a year now, and until this trip we were quite unsure what sort of direction we wanted to take. As well, we typically spend the majority of the time apart (Sam in Calgary, Gabi in Ottawa) and it is hard to brainstorm through text message/email/Facetime.

Okay, so let's flash back to the car ride on our way to Canmore. It's lovely outside—sunny, not too cloudy—and we are about to approach that beautiful time of day where the sun is just about to set, and everything looks beautiful. Mountains straight ahead, fields to both our sides with horses and cows…the beauty that is driving into the mountains. If you have never been to the Rockies, I highly suggest you start planning your trip now. Pronto.

Sam starts the conversation off with, "Okay, so our blog?" and this is when the neurons started firing and the ideas started flowing, and I got down to business and talked her ear off for a solid couple hours. Essentially what was coming out of my mouth was the premise of our blog: thoughts on the twenty-something condition. Something that is written about consistently, depicted on television and books… but particularly within that "condition" were my thoughts on lifestyle. Both Samantha and I follow a myriad of blogs. Some food related, education related, but a grand majority of what we follow are particularly lifestyle blogs. Photo and stories of young women close to our age sharing their stories of work, school, love, friendship…. you name it. What I have begun to notice is an air of privilege associated with these posts. Or what I like to think of as an internet version of "keeping up with the Jones'". So-and-so has this bag, took a trip here, purchased this high quality item… the list goes on.  It's not an explicit statement, but from looking at the evolution of these blogs, it seems like the pressure is on. How I see it, it seems to resemble more of a life that seems typical in the 40+ crowd. Those that have had careers for some time now, not to mention families and things like vacation property—that are able to afford and live this lifestyle.

This is where I am beginning to feel a sense of duality within my own life. I follow these blogs and these people's lives and am encompassed by a world full of people who seemingly have (much) more of an income and stability than I do. Namely, I get to live this sort of aspirational lifestyle when spending time with my parents. I am privileged in a way where my parents invite me to vacation with them etc. even though I could technically be considered a grown-up; and get to wine taste, and eat at the "foodie restaurants" and get a taste of the stuff there is no way I could ever afford as a student. I live in a world where supposedly this is what we are working up towards. Getting the degree, the work experience, and ultimately getting the job and buying the house in the burbs. All whilst settling down with your significant other and then having 2.5 kids and a dog. And, like most 20-somethings, I am not sure this is necessarily what I want from my life.

Let's look at the flip side. On Facebook we have those "Friends" (or more like acquaintances you talked to 3 times in high school and are now networked on social media) that are posting these beautiful photos of their South American trip, or their recent backpacking excursion to Asia. Or talking to friends who plan to travel during their time off from school. Aspiring to this idea of freedom and the feeling that the world is our oyster, and if not now, then when? Now is the time for us to travel, make mistakes, and experience the world for what is worth. What I ask though, is how do we live in a world where we are encouraged to both be free and make mistakes, all while building up a career with networks and references?

Last summer I went on a backpacking trip with my ex-boyfriend. It was a fantastic experience. I got to sleep outdoors, couch surf, stay in hostels, and virtually live with the freedom of having no plan and the  choice to go where we pleased. I got a taste of travelling with no plan and no money. I loved it. I may not have said this upon immediate reaction to sleeping in a closet… but looking back, I want to do it again. Recently, when discussing travel with a family member of mine, I was expressing my jealousy over an amazing trip he just took. He told me, "But you had your trip!" My reaction was mostly just wondering why I would only get one trip like that in my lifetime? Is this part of the plan? Who decides this stuff anyway? The way I look at it, I am not tied down by anything right now; with the exception of the 5 courses I need to complete to receive my undergrad. But once that is complete, the world is my oyster. Yes, I have ideas of what I may like to do professionally, and yes, I am constantly doing things that would help me "network" and get there; but ultimately, I am free.

What I'd like to do here is explore the idea of freedom. What it means to be free, and what I am telling myself when I complain about my (very nice) life and say things like "all I want is to be free". Because seemingly, I am free—yet why is it I still feel trapped?

-- g

photos from our weekend