on graduation and becoming an adult

Warmth, please?

I don’t know if it’s the unrelenting weather, or the fact that I am almost finished my degree, but lately all I have been thinking about is how I want to go on vacation, travel, explore, adventure… whatever. I am really wanting a break from the every day monotony of my life. I am ready for a change of pace! I feel like I have been trapped indoors for far too long, and I am just dying to get out to do something different. Unfortunately, I don’t know if that’s going to be possible—each time we seem to get a taste of spring weather, it is followed up by snow. This past weekend we had about 10cm. They’re calling for more. I don’t know if I can take much more of this! 

I feel like right now I have this urgency to travel and explore because I am unsure of how much time I will have to myself once I graduate. This sounds odd, because I know that I will be quite “free” once I am done school, and that the potential is there for the world to become my oyster. This is a running theme in my life. But is this realistic?

My roommate and I were reflecting on the ideas and plans we have dreamed up during the course of our degrees. They have been all sorts of things… buying cars, travelling, living without roommates, interior decorating, moving and living abroad… the list is endless. Lots of dreams for when school would no longer be a stressful reality. Well… we are quickly approaching this time. Less than 2 weeks of class until we will be finished our course requirements to receive our diplomas. Now that we are going to be finished with undergrad, what’s next? That’s where those dreams have been put on the back burner. Responsibilities, or responsible decisions end up taking forefront as opposed to planning that backpacking trip/car purchase/whatever. Jobs and the realities of becoming a grown up take precedence. 

I remember saying throughout the course of my undergrad (and maybe, possibly today) how I don’t want to be one of those people who say they are going to travel, go to graduate school, etc., and ultimately never end up doing it. That I didn’t want to be somebody who ended up settled down before they even got to “live”. I know that I am verging on sounding like an episode of GIRLS, but it’s true. I think these words have come out of every young person’s mouth at least once. I am still saying this. But where does responsibility and reality set in? Where do we end up making compromises?

It is impossible for me to take a 6 month backpacking trip once I graduate because I have no money. I can’t live abroad because I have no money. I can’t have the “ultimate job” because I don’t have a Master’s degree. I have limited life experience to bring to the table. In order to “live” the kind of life I might crave, it’s become the reality that I am going to have to settle for a bit. In order to work—to earn some money and life experience. The hope is that eventually I am able to do all of the things I’d like to do. Which is to travel and go to grad school. 

My big dilemma in all this is, what if I don’t get to have the experiences I want? What if I end up settled into something? Life happens, I get it. I guess for right now I’d like to remain hopeful, not hopeless. Live with no regrets, try to go with the flow, and desperately hope it all works out.

- g