journal day 10

Part 1: Quite simply, what are you good at? All of us have particular strengths- what are yours? This week, talk about these talents, big or small. Ideas: discuss how you use these things in your daily life or job, how you discovered a knack for this or that, perhaps even touch on whether or not you are passionate about the things you're good at.

Part 2: Sometimes it can be hard to hear criticism from others. I know for me it's something I may always struggle with- being a people pleaser, etc. At the same time though, constructive criticism can be very helpful, and allow us to look at ourselves in a new light and maybe even grow and change. Take a step out of yourself. If you were on the outside looking in, how would you critique yourself? What things do you see that could change or work on? This isn't about tearing ourselves down; it's about really looking at ourselves and seeing where there's room for growth.

Once again, thanks Danielle for the wonderful feature. We really love writing these!

It really is harder to think of good things about yourself as opposed to critique, isn’t it? I’d say that for both Gabi and I, this is one of those topics that we had to think long and hard about our answers. Easier probably would have been flipping the tables and talking about each other instead of ourselves. It’s always harder when it’s you, and it’s absolutely more difficult to give yourself a pat on the back for your strengths.

I’m passionate and determined. Those are qualities that could be thrown on either the strength or weakness side, as with that determination comes extreme stubbornness that encroaches on pig-headedness. Once I set my mind to something though, there’s no changing it and the task at hand will be completed to near perfection.

I’m creative. This one is important to me. It has little effect on constructing others opinions of myself, but I really pride myself on my creativity and eye for aesthetics. Gabi and I seem to have this conversation on the regular, as we’re both quite creative, and we wonder why were pursuing/pursued degrees in fields that don’t allow us to exercise those muscles very frequently. My favorite assignments have been ones in which I’ve been able to do blog design, create videos, or fancy-shmancy technical documents. After each one of these assignments I wonder why, why I wouldn’t pursue something more creative, and of course the answer is practicality. Nevertheless, I forever find myself most at ease when I cook, paint, or am lost in a book (or y’know, rambling on in some blog post).

I’m honest. Honest enough to get those damn words tattooed on me, serving as a constant reminder of what I consider to be the best policy. You can be sure that I won’t lie to you about anything big or small. I feel that it’s better to tell the truth even if it stings a little in the short-run, than to lead a lie in the long-run. The repercussions are just too much to bear when things go south (they will), and we could all use a bit more honesty in our lives.

I’m hard to get to know. The walls are up 100% of the time, meaning that when you meet me, it’s pretty much a guarantee that you’ll think I’m a bitch. The conversation will be slow, if not completely lacking, and I’ll appear cold and probably a bit stuck-up. First impressions are not my forte. I swear that I’m not any of those things. It just takes me forever to warm up. Truth be told, once I am comfortable with someone, my silly side comes out and I sometimes wonder if I’m actually twelve years old. My maturity level is about equivalent to a teenage boy of around that age.

I lack patience. I’m on time. Always (except with Gabi, who is on time but actually ALWAYS EARLY). I expect the same of others. Don’t waste my time. I have a really horrible tendency to chew people out if they are tardy. I should probably work on that. I lack patience in other regards. I want instantaneous results—a quick fix. Long, drawn out processes are not for me.

I’m honest. This one deserves another mention. I said that I think honesty is the best policy, and I do. I absolutely do. If someone wants an outright, true, raw opinion, I’m the person to deliver it, but nine times out of ten that is more trouble than it’s worth. Thankfully, I have gotten really good at just shutting up (perhaps the reason why I am so quiet all the time these days).

There you have it. What I would consider some of my strengths and weaknesses. I gotta say that another difficult part about writing this is that you know that someone else is going to read this and think, “yeah, she definitely missed out on some big ones.” I would love to believe that I don’t give two hoots about one anyone else thinks, but I mean we’re all human here. We care. I care. So while I know that there are some things that I need to work on, I do try to be my best self. However, there truly is no pleasing everyone.

- s

---------

I think Sam was right… It would have been easier to write about good things about one another rather than ourselves. Even going in and critiquing myself is a tough one—although I find I can be very critical of myself sometimes, I really, really hate seeming negative about myself (especially on a public forum). However, I’m going to give my best shot at this.

I’m patient and a good listener. I am a really caring person, and I’d consider myself a good listener. While I am (very) talkative, I would say I am a better at listening. I try to listen carefully, actively, and to give my full attention to whomever I’m talking to. I am also really patient while working with others and don’t get frustrated easily. I’m pretty easy going.

I’m a positive person. I guarantee I can find the good in any situation, and see things from a different perspective—ask my friends, it gets annoying! Even if I am in a bad mood, I am incredibly positive and optimistic about whatever it is that is going on. I’d say I know how to keep positivity in check, and to not let negativity get to me.

I can make conversation with anybody. This goes back to being a good listener, but I am also very extroverted and am good at making conversation. I don’t find making conversation with people I don’t know awkward or uncomfortable, just a chance to get to know somebody a bit better. I can probably find something to talk about with anybody.

I’m impulsive. My friend’s boyfriend calls me ‘The Great Enabler’ because whenever we go shopping, I encourage purchases. Not only that, but once I get into something, I get REALLY into it. I will learn everything I can about it, become obsessed, and throw myself into it. While I do see this as a strength at times (shows how determined I can be), it can also be a weakness. Especially when it comes to time management (I’ll put things I need to do on hold in order to do something else—instant gratification much?), or when it is better to just listen and think about it before responding. I’ll often answer right away without thinking things through.

I care what other people think. While I understand the power of judgement and how that is a necessary part of human life and behaviour, I can sometimes be a bit of a people pleaser. I don’t like conflict, so that makes sense to me. I come across as very confident (or so I’d like to think) but sometimes worry about what other people think about me. I’d like to pretend I don’t give a shit about what others think of me, but I do.

For the most part, I’d say that is a pretty accurate representation of myself. While there are lots of things about myself that I’d consider strengths, I also can be pretty hard on myself. I work pretty hard each day on how I see myself and how I’d like others to see me. We’re all works in progress, and I try to put my best self out there.

- g

journal day 03

They say hindsight is 20/20, and with good reason- looking back at something always gives us a better view. We're often able to really see how our choices and decisions then shaped our today, and examine what we would have done differently given the chance. When looking back though, we often look way back, but for this exercise stay a little closer to present time and look back just 12 months. If you could go back just one year, what would you tell yourself? What advice would you offer about everything you've experienced?

Thanks again to Danielle for the awesome feature, and here's the original post.

Cherry blossoms in Victoria, BC.

Both Gabi and I keep private online journals that relate more to our personal lives than fun tidbits shared here, which makes LITERALLY looking back at last year quite simple.

I’m sure that I’m not alone when I say that navigating your twenties is confusing as hell. In the three years that I’ve been in post-secondary, I’ve changed my mind about what I want to major in, and more importantly, what I want to be once I graduate, five times. After a teary return to Calgary in 2011, I set out to upgrade a few courses I hadn’t taken in high school in the hopes of being accepted into a Dietetics program. For some reason, even though math and science are my worst subjects, I decided that it was what I wanted to pursue. Fast forward to the middle of my first semester at Mount Royal and my first university-level Biology class, and I was once again tearfully confused about what I was doing with my life. That was right around this time last year. Since then, I was accepted into the Policy Studies program with the hope of working on food and agricultural policy post-graduation. Of course, six months later I’m not sure if that’s what I want to do either.

To myself one year ago, I’d like to say that things will sort themselves out…Eventually. Twenty-two years old is terribly young, and you have your entire life to figure things out. Not knowing what you want to do with your life is nothing to cry about—and it still isn’t here in the present.

Do what you love. Love what you do. The pieces will fall into place.
I’m sure of it.

- s

----------

If I could go back a year, I am not really sure what I would tell myself. This past year has been one of the most trying years I have ever had. While being twenty-something is a particularly confusing time for most people, my past year has also been a bit less conventional. I can say with some confidence that if it weren’t for such a supportive network around me, it would, and could have been so much worse.

I'd like to remind myself back then that whatever I experience is authentically ‘me’. That it is representative of my experience and life, and adds to what I can offer to the world. I know how that may seem so vague! To be honest, I am still processing and trying to understand everything that has happened in the past 12 months—which is what makes this exercise that much more difficult. I would tell myself to just ‘be me’ and to try not to judge myself so much in whatever difficulties I may encounter. I would also like to remind myself that regardless of how long it takes, having answers makes it easier to find solutions.

To myself one year ago: calm the fuck down. Things are still going to be hard next year! Save some of that energy for freaking out next year—cause guaranteed, life is going to throw something your way that you don’t think you’ll be able to handle. To myself now? Same advice applies.

- g

journal day

Danielle from Sometimes Sweet has proposed a Journal Day. She will be sharing a prompt weekly, encouraging others to get writing and to share what they've written. We've decided to participate, and will be sharing our journals here!

This week's prompt:

Everyone has a time in their life they view as a crossroad. Sometimes you can see it as it's happening, and you're able to choose one way or another. Other times you may not realize you're there until you look back, and see what a turning point it really was. This week, write about a time you view as a marker in your life; a distinct place where things changed, for better or worse.

----------

My happy little house in Victoria. It definitely came with some quirks, but I miss that place most days.

We graduated high school in 2009. I left with a bad taste in my mouth. The relationships that I had, the experience, this city in general—none of it was pleasing. I swore that I would move away and eventually I left for post-secondary in Victoria, British Columbia. Not only that, but I swore that I would never come back to Calgary.

Life in Victoria was everything and nothing like I imagined it would be. I’d dreamed about living there since I was very young, so the fact that I ACTUALLY LIVED THERE was satisfaction enough. Maybe it was because it was my first little taste of real freedom—living away from family, friends, being out of my parent’s house…. Responsible for me and only me. We lived somewhat far away from school but close enough to downtown. It didn’t really matter where you lived anyway, because in an hour you could walk across the city, which is something I did regularly. I frequented the Farmer’s Markets on the weekends and took long runs down Dallas Road. It was a simple life, no doubt, but sometimes simple is better.

I dealt with great deal of personal issues while away at school, so it wasn’t always peachy. It was a constant battle, but for the most part the good overshadowed the bad. I think the sheer fact that I was away from Calgary and everything that I had deemed ‘bad’ made the not-so-great days in Victoria seem bearable.

Somehow I ended up back in Calgary. I can’t even tell you what the real reason was at this point. There were just so many damn factors that went into it from those personal issues to my lofty, short-lived dream of switching to a dietetics major that required me to move home. All I know is that January to April of that year had my stomach in knots trying to decide if I should stay or go.

It wasn’t easy moving back home. I spent the better part of the first year wishing I were elsewhere. Cursing this city for everything that it was and signified for me. Eventually though, I accepted that this was and continues to be my choice. I grew up so much that year in Victoria and would absolutely not be where I am today or be the person that I am today had I not spent the time there. My interests, my tastes, my entire persona is so wrapped up in that little island. If all variables were right, I would move back to Vancouver Island in a heartbeat, but at least for now I know that Calgary is where I ought to be.

- s

----------

Asleep by the sea

Croatia. A beautiful country full of beautiful places. For me, it will remain in my heart as a place where life changed. It was a time of saying goodbye. Goodbye to the past, goodbye to a friendship, goodbye to a future.

The air was damp. So humid that I could barely breathe. Add in a feeling of worn out that had exacerbated a head cold in 40 degrees Celsius. We’d been going, going, going, non-stop for almost 3 weeks at this point. Stuck together in foreign places, each day becoming increasingly more hostile than the last. Until we reached a moment where everything blew up.

It’s hard to enjoy a beautiful place that you’ve tainted with arguing, tears, and realizations. Having talked in circles about the difference between loving one another and being in love. Dubrovnik became a place of letting go and moving forward.

Sitting along the Adriatic Sea, talking about where life was going to go from there. Eyes puffy from crying, my heart feeling relieved. Exhausted beyond belief, the reality being that life had to move on. A new beginning, stemming from saying goodbye.

- g